Step 9 of the 12 Steps: Making Amends (Even When You’re Not Ready)

Many people feel stuck before they even begin the 12 steps—because Step 9 feels too overwhelming.

“I could never do the 12 steps… because of Step 9.”

I knew someone who said that once.

He wasn’t willing to make amends—especially to people who had hurt him.

And honestly… I understand that.

Step 9 can feel overwhelming, unfair, even impossible.

➡️ Why should I be the one to apologize?

➡️ What if they hurt me first?

➡️ What if I’m not ready?

But here’s the truth:

You don’t start with Step 9.

You start with Step 1.

And as you walk through the steps with God…

He changes your heart along the way.

By the time you get to Step 9, something is different.

You’re not the same person anymore.

You’ve experienced grace.

You’ve seen your part.

And God begins to give you something you didn’t have before—

Willingness.

That’s the key.

This isn’t about forcing yourself to do something you’re not ready for.

It’s about trusting that God will prepare you when the time comes.

And we know this is a Biblical principle:

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” – Matthew 5:9

Making amends isn’t about saying, “They were right.”

It’s about saying,

“I’m choosing peace. I’m choosing obedience. I’m choosing freedom.”

And here’s what many people don’t expect:

👉 “Step 9, the one people fear the most…

often becomes one of the most freeing steps of all.”

— 12 Steps to Recovery from Overeating, by Julie Kleinhans

Because when we make things right,

we experience a kind of peace that food could never give us.

If Step 9 feels too big right now, don’t let it stop you.

Just take the next step.

Trust God with the process.

He will get you there.

If Step 9 feels overwhelming, you’re not alone.

This is exactly why I wrote 12 Steps to Recovery from Overeating—to walk you through each step in a simple, Christ-centered way.

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